EVEN THOUGH you said ok to lunch on thursday, and EVEN THOUGH you got my number and still didn't call me, and EVEN THOUGH you act like you're interested every SINGLE time you're in my coffee shop, and EVEN THOUGH you probably have an amazing excuse, and EVEN THOUGH you actually probably just forgot or got busy or figured I was supposed to call you or meet you there or something along those lines which doesn't necessarily make you an asshole but it kinda does... I think I am still in lust and may need a 12-step program.

And as for you assholes who just don't leave town when they're supposed to... (you know who you are) well, it's ok. You can stop lying, I've deleted your phone number, and unless I see you with someone I have to say hello to, you can count on it that you'll never hear from me again, no matter how many nights I spend lying awake thinking about our perfect first date.